Yesterday was awful. One little misstep turned into an all day free-for-all in which I later laid in bed feeling horribly guilty ruminating over all the mistakes I made over the course of the day, and why oh why I didn’t do it differently.
There is this quote that really sums it up:
Failure to plan is planning to fail.
I have always loathed this quote because I think it cramps my creative and spontaneous style, but it’s so painfully true.
I woke up yesterday actually craving my Greek yogurt, cinnamon and apple concoction with some hot coffee from my French Press. However, while I waited for the water to get toasty in my pink tea kettle, I opened the fridge and saw the chocolate peanut butter filled, chocolate ganache topped cake my sister decided to make the night before. Well maybe just a bite while I wait for the coffee.
A whole piece of cake later, the coffee was done and I was no longer hungry for Greek yogurt and apples. So I sipped on my coffee and read for a bit planning on going to yoga at noon. I woke up my sister to see if she wanted to go to yoga with me. She did not. It made me waver. Maybe I would go later then or something. Yes, I’ll just go later, I decided, though my instincts, much like earlier in the morning were rallying for me not to put it off and attend yoga.
I had errands to run, but also a gift certificate for the movies, so my sister and I decided to see a matinee of “August: Osage County” (It was a phenomenal performance by a phenomenal cast, but be prepared to leave the theater in a steep depression.) The last time I planned to go to the movies I packed a bottled water, fat-free kettle corn and a small canister of dark chocolate nibs from Trader Joe’s (only 140 calories). Yes I am one of those people who has no problem sneaking my own fare into the theater and not making a would-be car payment on popcorn and candy at the concessions.
This time I didn’t plan ahead and had a gift card so naturally candy, popcorn and pop were purchased for the film. Obviously I can’t see a movie without snacks, what would my hands do the whole film if they weren’t foraging for butter-laden popcorn and chocolate?
After the movie I was starting to feel really grim, not just because the movie was not a pick-me-upper, but because my insides weren’t very happy with the sugar on top of sugar choices I had made throughout the day. It was ruining my mood and instead of doing anything proactive about it, I decided to ignore the better part of me that had been giving helpful suggestions to do the right thing all day and really go into self-sabotage mode. I ate a slice of cold pizza and two burritos with chips and salsa and cheese and wine and then topped if off with more cake.
I don’t know why I did it, because I don’t even like burritos, the pizza wasn’t good and the wine and cake which I didn’t even want were just to prove some dismal point to myself that I had ruined the day and may as well make sure to feel the lowest I possibly could before going to bed.
Mission accomplished. I felt sick over all the sugar and bad meal choices and my would-be-planning half was truly disgusted with my non-planning half.
You wanted Greek yogurt for breakfast!
You wanted to do yoga!
Why didn’t you plan for the movies?
You still could’ve worked out!
Why more cake?
Why? Why? Why?
The glaring reality is this fiasco was a reminder that I have to plan and under no circumstances should I be squelching the part of me that wants to be better even if it will cost me time. The lesson in the end here is that none of my choices were worth it because they added up to a day that felt like failure. The upside of lessons is you learn something. Today it is more than easy for me to recall how putrid I felt yesterday when viewing cake that’s still in the fridge this morning. I didn’t touch it, instead had my Greek yogurt with apples and cinnamon. I packed a healthy lunch for work and I will do a workout today. Simple as that.
Failure to plan is planning to fail.
Yeah, yeah, whatever smug bastard said this obviously got his jollies on planning, much like my boyfriend does, but I can’t freak out that if I plan more it makes me less of a free spirit. I couldn’t stop being a free spirit as much as I could stop eating chocolate chip cookies. So here’s to a healthy day courtesy of planning.