The holiday season brings with it many things. The cozy feeling of a decorated home with warm lights and garland. Extra time spent with family and friends you may not get to see often. The sharing of carefully selected gifts and seemingly endless decadent treats. However, for some, it also brings additional stress.
“Often times, there tends to be quite a bit of pressure around trying to make the holiday feel just right or perfect,” says Aurena Green, a Clifton-based mental health counselor with the Viva Center.
When the holiday doesn’t live up to the Hallmark movie expectation of merry, bright, and free flowing, there can be a deep sense of disappointment.
“We get so caught up in the set-up and the details that sometimes we lose sight of genuinely connecting with the people around us,” Green says.
It can also be a challenging time for those who are grieving the loss of a family member or friend.
“There’s a desire to make things feel the same as they always were, but when you’re missing a vital piece of the puzzle, it’s impossible to recreate what once was,” says Green. “It’s important to acknowledge how you’re showing up in this holiday season, because it will inform you of what you need to do in order to best support yourself through it.”
Green offers these tips to work through holiday stress:
Lower Your Expectations
This might not be the year that your family completely transforms into one that can bypass all differences and create the perfect scene. Instead, Green suggests, consider: How can you begin to appreciate the people around you for who they are, flaws and all? What moments or glimmers of joy can you absorb? How can you give yourself grace when you begin to get caught up in focusing on the things you wish were different?
Set Healthy Boundaries
It’s important to set boundaries not only with yourself but for those around you.
“Remember that it is OK to put a cap on the amount of time you spend with family and friends,” says Green. “It’s also OK to say that you’re not comfortable discussing certain topics at the dinner table.” Maybe bring an after-dinner game for everyone to play as a gentle way to set a boundary and avoid inflammatory topics.
Keep Resources on Hand
Make a comprehensive list of things that help you regain a sense of regulation, if something feels overwhelming.
“This could be a list of coping tools like the 4-7-8 breath or 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique or simply listening to a playlist of calming music,” says Green.
You could also create a list of people you know you can call if things start to be too much.
Take a Break
Going outdoors is something you can try when you’re feeling tired, overwhelmed, or just need to regroup.
“If it’s cold outside, even better,” says Green. “Studies have shown that drastically changing the body’s temperature helps to reset an overactive nervous system. It has been proven to reduce anxiety and support one in overriding anxiety and coming back to presence.”
Seek Support for Grief
Seek community support if you are grieving this holiday season.
“This could be in the form of a friend, a therapist, a support group, or even a book that can meet you where you are in your grief process,” says Green.
It’s important to remember that you’re not alone and that other people feel this, too.
“Just as there is an abundance of joy this time of year, there can be an equal (or even greater) abundance of grief,” she says. “If this is the case for you, know that there are resources available and that you do not have to do this alone.”
The American Counseling Association offers resources for dealing with grief, as does Arlington County.
Feature image, stock.adobe.com
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