What with all my bike-riding, Paleo-ing and sugar-free living lately, I have been feeling quite sassy about myself. This is super important. I learned the hard way after “The Biggest Loser” (where I had made incredible strides in learning to love myself) that as soon as the show ended and I went back to my old ways−hating my body and criticizing it at every turn−that if I didn’t find some semblance of happiness with myself in all the stages of what I looked like, there would never be a skinny enough that fully satisfied me.
I had been feeling so good, until the other day when it was exceptionally hot. After coming in from outdoors I immediately wanted to cool off in the shower. Also I realized maybe I should be more diligent about shaving my legs or something, being summer and all. So there I am enjoying a crisp and refreshingly cool shower. As I am doing this I realize I am getting hot all over again.
In the shower.
Which is cold.
You know you are still legitimately chubby if you start to sweat while doing what I loathe to even call an activity in a cold shower.
Well, drats, I thought. There goes my sass. It’s because I still have a dreaded fupa. Honestly, if it weren’t for this one irritating wedge of chunk on my lower abdomen, I would be all but convinced I was skinny. Truly. I am so jealous of the Mindy Kalings and the Lena Dunhams of this world who rock a somewhat curvy (but what I still consider skinny and wildly feminine) body, sans fupa. I have never been the type of girl with curves that didn’t involve a fupa. I pretend I am because I wear a lot of empire waist pieces. In fact so much so that I am probably solely responsible for keeping this fashion trend alive by anyone other than pregnant people.
But in reality when I slim down, besides immediately losing weight in my face, my body doesn’t retain some lovely curves while just shrinking. No. From my one experience of being skinny after “The Biggest Loser,” I was astounded to see that once I lost all my pudge, all the curves I had went away with it and I was left with a relatively slender frame, (besides my wide-ish hips). I couldn’t believe it.
Most girls would love this, but I for one was disappointed. My dream body type has always been Catherine Zeta Jones (or a Kardashian, but dear heavens as if anyone could attain a Kardashian body without some sort of voodoo high priestess and even then it probably wouldn’t work). I saw a picture of Zeta-Jones once as a child and she had the most beautiful womanly curves, and I decided that is what I would have once I was skinny. I was wrong. I just sort of looked like I could be an extra in “Newsies.”
Is the only way for me to be curvy involve having a fupa? If that’s the case, I will proudly look like a “Newsie” and like it, as fupas are the worst.
It’s all about being healthy. Well and fupa-free. Honestly that’s how I gauge my weight-loss these days. I don’t fixate on a number so much. I fixate on three things and three things only:
Putting really good and healthy fare in my body.
Exercising daily, or very close to daily.
Getting rid of my stupid fupa.
And honestly, once my fupa is gone I will only be left with two things: eat healthy and exercise. I don’t think I will ever be used to my fupa though, so until that’s gone I will continue to do wild and crazy things like go on 40 mile bike-rides, have daily challenges, strive to be sugar-free and all that other stuff that seems to promote a fupa-free existence.
Oh yeah, and one where I don’t sweat in the shower while shaving. That seems mildly concerning. Although I might be able to chalk that one up to my dreaded sweating genes that I inherited from my father, as I do break out in a sweat if it’s so much as 65 degrees out, so maybe I won’t worry so much on that note.