By Eliza Berkon
Embossed invitations. Custom cupcakes. Coordinated outfits for the entire family. A venue booked months in advance. The typical toddler birthday party in NoVA.
At some point in the past few decades, feting your kid with a lavish party became an annual expectation for many parents, myself included. Back in the ’80s, when I had my first seven birthdays, I probably only had a few actual birthday parties. All were at home and were some variation on the following theme: friends, pizza, cake, the awkward present opening and maybe a game or two. It probably set my folks back about 50 bucks and involved an hour of planning. And I had a great time.
Today, that doesn’t cut it for many parents in affluent NoVA. While some of my friends still host modest parties at home or opt out altogether, plenty of others plan blow-outs year after year.
As I’m somewhat loath to admit, my husband and I fall into that latter category. After my daughter’s second birthday maxed out our living room capacity and our creativity, we shifted to rented party places. It was more expensive, but it was also a lot less work. And perhaps more importantly, it’s what just about everyone else in her class did.
Each year, my son and daughter are invited to roughly 25 birthday parties, in addition to the countless other holiday-oriented events they attend. Though we don’t make it to every party, once you’ve been to one, you’ve been to them all. For 45 minutes, small children run around in a large play area while the parents stand around and engage in small talk. Then, everyone moves to rectangular tables for pizza, juice boxes and cake. After another 15 minutes of play time, the kids shuffle out the door with a balloon in one hand and a goody bag in the other.
The whole ordeal is not cheap. At the Little Gym in Fairfax, which hosts about 200 kids parties a year, each event costs anywhere from $340 for the basic party (90 minutes, paper goods, decorative balloons, invitations and drinks for 15 kids) to $800 for a party with 25 kids and all the add-ons, like extra play time, water bottles and favors. At Jumping Joey’s in Falls Church, the options range from $349 to $739. And don’t forget to toss in an extra $100 for the kid’s gift and another $40 for a customized birthday T-shirt from Etsy.
There’s also the investment of time. My friend Julie typically spends eight hours—or a full day’s work—taking care of party details like planning, ordering and addressing invitations, buying favors, making food and mailing out thank-yous. Managing Editor Lynn Norusis, who throws themed parties at home, usually spent 10 to 12 hours on each party when her children were younger.
All told, one birthday party could easily cost $1,000 and a week’s worth of free time to put together.
So why do we spend this much? Because our children demand it? No. Because we have to prove our love to our kids? Certainly not. It’s definitely a product of social expectations, like so much else in parenthood. We’re expected to have a party. Expected to invite every acquaintance of our children and their siblings. Expected to pull out all the stops. A 2015 Slate article speaks to this epidemic, describing even pricier parties, and hits the nail on the head: “No one wants to be seen as a cheapskate on his or her child’s special day.” In that sense, these parties are more for the adults than the children.
The good news is, there are alternatives. Our editor saves hundreds by having a home party, and while the planning takes time, she makes it a family affair by involving her children in each step. My friend Anne is waiting to throw her daughter a party until she is 4 and doesn’t plan to have a celebration for her every year. And my friend Annette sticks to cake and presents with the family, saying her kids are just as pleased with that as they are with grand affairs.
So what will I be doing for my daughter’s fifth birthday this Saturday? Shelling out a few Benjamins for a rented party place. But next year, it’s all about DIY decor, a few friends and some rounds of charades.
