By Angie Goff
Mom guilt comes in many forms. For me there’s the more obvious stuff like working the early shift and missing my kids saying “Good morning.” Then there’s the kind of guilt that creeps up over time and randomly sucker punches your heart. This happened recently when I developed a bad case of the “bobs.” Bob is my 2-year-old son. As a working mom trying to keep up with his big sister’s busy calendar, it became apparent to me: School, sports, birthday party … amid all the action, Bob was becoming my child left behind.
It’s why this month I want to talk about the importance and struggle of spending one-on-one time with each of your children. Having this togetherness helps communicate to your child that they are special and deserving of your attention. It’s finding a way to make this happen that’s hard.
Because I’m busy and tired all the time, I’ve found the easiest thing to do is write it down. That’s right, I pencil individual time with my son in my calendar. These aren’t big adventures or fancy dates, but they do mean a lot. Often it’s a grocery run or lunch while waiting for sister to get out of school. Sometimes (GASP!) there’s even some trickery involved. I’ll distract his sister by turning on a favorite show. While she’s entertained, Bob and I squeeze in a couple stormtrooper vs. dinosaur wars. Time with just my daughter usually comes when we bake together and journal before bed. I’ve found with both kids it’s bonding at its best since there’s naturally no competition.
I think about my past and how some of my fondest memories were made with just my mom or dad. There’s the gentle times mom brushed my hair and then let me brush hers. With dad, I’ll never forget the confidence I gained when he took me to the field house and encouraged me to play ball with the guys. Think back to your past. Dig deep. What do you remember?
Creating unforgettable moments doesn’t always have to be centered on major events. I’m learning it doesn’t matter where you are because it’s all about making a connection with your child. I’m big on the bonding as a family, but I truly believe it’s these intimate experiences that will strengthen your personal relationship with each child as they grow.
(May 2016)
